First things first....let me give a shout out to my cousin Ilise who started her own blog....all about nothing! She has been seen worldwide! Thanks for the inspiration Ilise. Im so glad that after all these years despite our parents ignorance that we are finally able to be family again. Im done letting certain people steal precious time and memories that I should have had!
This blog will definately be a constant work in progress so hopefully you'll be patient.
There is so much going on in life right now and Ive been bottling it up for months now. I need an outlet for it and decided that I can kill two birds with one stone....I can vent and hopefully help anyone maybe going through what I have gone through. Not sure exactly where to start so you'll have forgive if this seems all over the place at first.
Due to my parents being divorced I was blessed, so I thought, with alot of family. I had my fathers family which was quite large, my mothers family which was small (well it wasnt small but no one talked to eachother), then I had my stepfathers family, and my stepmothers family. I thought it was awesome to be so lucky to have so much family. But just because you have a big family doesnt mean that its a good thing. It doesnt matter how big your family is when they treat you as if you dont belong...or make you feel guilty or bad all the time. As I learned as I grew older that family can be a big dissapointment. You get this dream in your head of what family is supposed to be. You see your friends with their family and wonder why your family is different. You see movies all the time about how family is supposed to "act". But thats not how it was. As a child I felt the tension and was jealous of other families that didnt feel that way. As a young adult I was able to see more of the "behind the scenes" and it dissapointed me even further.
I decided at that time to make my own family. Luckily for me some very incredible people came into my life at times when I really needed some guidance. I completely believe that people (good or bad) are in your life for a reason. It is an awesome experience to have these people in your life to bless you with knowledge to change or continue your path in life. Without these people you would be lost. I think sometimes people dont accept these teachers and their lessons or overlook them and they miss out on an opportunity they need and end up going down a bad path that they cant come back from. There were several occasions where I was staring into the preverbial "abyss" and debating just throwing in the towel and jumping in. These teachers - I also think of them as real life "angels" came into my life showed me that I had so much to give and told me what a wonderful person I was. They made me see that just because the people I wanted to see me as special and worth something didnt feel I was worth much...I was still special to so many others. That was a hard pill to swallow at first and I still sometimes have a problem choking down the compliment. I always thought if my family thought I wasnt worth it...then I couldnt be. I was learning otherwise thanks to these people. They became my "family". I finally felt that I belonged. But in the back of my head I wondered....how can complete strangers see me as this incredible person...but my blood family couldnt. I continued on my new path with these people by my side and along the way I found a few awesome friends. These people I dont think the word friend is a good enough word for them. I believe them to be my family and I would sacrifice anything for them or do anything I could for them if they needed or asked. They love me unconditionally and I love them unconditionally as well. I dont know where I would be without them.
more to come....
